I've always been told that the first day/night is always the hardest. I must say that so far, that is true. Driving back to Springfield was not all that hard. I didn't cry at all, and I listened to my Christian station the whole way. Praising and worshiping God always helps everything.
Once I got home, I felt fine. I missed Matt, but I wasn't about to cry or anything. And then I wanted to watch a movie. Well, Matt didn't hook up our Blueray player before he left, which is fine. But I couldn't find the dang HDMI cord to hook it to the TV. And that was when it hit me that I couldn't just call him up and ask him where he had packed it. So I went to Walmart. My first trip with him gone. I felt fine... until I pulled back into the parking lot.
AND THEN I LOST IT. I mean, ugliest of crying, horribly loud moaning, snot dripping everywhere crying. It was absolutely pathetic. But I just couldn't help it. My heart was literally aching because I already miss Matthew so much. Luckily, I have two amazing friends who responded to my freak out. One called and one ran to my door.
One thing that I've discovered with Matthew being gone is how many people truly care about me. I've had several friends text me, message me, etc. asking how I'm holding up and suggesting we get together as soon as possible. The support system that I have is so absolutely amazing.
There's been such an array of emotions, and it's really hard to keep up with them all. I miss him, I'm proud of him, I'm excited for him, I'm excited for me, I love him, I love everyone else, and so many more. Hard to keep up, right? My brain seems so fuddled right now. It makes me want to cuddle up in my bed with my cats.
I know that this was the best decision for me and Matthew (even if right now I may be questioning it only because I miss him terribly). And I know that this will make us stronger, both individually and as a couple. It's just getting to that point that is going to be interesting.
Is it May yet?
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