Why I Withdrew From Grad School

Last night, I withdrew from my two grad classes. I'm officially not a student anymore. Now.. before anyone jumps down my throat about this... I've thought long and hard about this.

Last spring when I was accepted into this program and registered for it, I never had any idea that I was going to get pregnant. Had I known, I never would have signed up for the courses. Once I was signed up, I thought I'd just stick with it. But a couple things within me changed.

I'm just not as passionate about it as I was. Every time I tried to do my school work, I wanted to scream and cry and throw a fit and not do it. Doing the research did not spark a fire like it used to. I am not a person to force myself to do something that I am not passionate about. I could not bring myself to write a paper or read the chapters or anything.

It was once I recognized this that I realized something else. I did not want to be a student anymore. Being pregnant and preparing to be a mom has changed everything for me. It's made me rethink my priorities and rethink what I want for myself and my future. For as long as I can remember, I've been career focused. I wanted to get as high degree as I could and have a steady and awesome career. But now that I'm only a few months away from giving birth to our first child, all of my wants have changed. I'm no longer career focused. I want to be a wife to Matthew and a mother to Phoenix. I don't want to be a student anymore. I no longer want a career - I want to be a stay at home soccer mom. I want to be there to watch my children grow up as much as possible. I have the opportunity to do so, and I'm not about to throw it away. I've always been family oriented - it's how my parents have raised me.

These two factors led me to making the decision to withdraw from my classes. Matthew has been so wonderful and has supported me 100% in this decision. My professors were extremely nice and told me that I am always welcome to go back to the program in the future. This was totally a personal decision, and one that I did not take lightly. But as soon as I withdrew, I felt a million times better. I'm now free to do what I really want with my time. Technically, I suppose I'm a "grad school dropout", but I certainly don't feel that way. I am re-prioritizing, and putting myself and my family first - and that's the best decision I could ever make.